A day to remember

Today is national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  A day that I never thought I would have a personal connection too.  A day that I wish no one had a personal connection too.  It has been almost 6 weeks since Paige left our lives.  With each day that passes I continue to grieve and miss her.  I grieve for what was, what should have been, and what is lost. 

Through this journey I was told many sayings and clichés, but one thing has held true: this is an imperfect world and sometimes imperfect things happen.  I try and hold onto the fact that God did not plant this into our lives.  I can’t think that he would have planted such grief and anguish into anyone’s life, punish us in anyway.  Instead I try to think of how he guides us through these challenges brought forth and teaches us.   He has taught me how to realize how precious life is and each moment is an unrepeatable gift.  I have said that this experience has made me appreciate Mallory ever so more.  Not that I didn’t appreciate her before, I just appreciate each moment like it was the last and take life in the slow lane.  Those moments of playing beauty shop when instead I should be do laundry or those lovely 2yr old tantrums are taken in stride.  With each hug and kiss, I am the last to let go. 

God has also taught me to take it day by day.  I have always been a planner, something I inherited from my mom, and tried to map out the important things in life. But this experience has taught me that while I would like to see that road map and show all the curves in the road, I must lean on him that he will equip me through this journey.  While this task isn’t easy and I struggle with it daily, as my envisioned road map has changed, he has equipped me with a gift in Chuck.  Chuck is my counterbalance, and when I go into a tail spin he reminds me to not think, plan everything in life, and live for the moment. I need to learn to appreciate what I have and not what I wanted.  Sometimes you can get caught up in wanting more or better and lose sight of what you have  I have a great husband, daughter, family, friends, and my own special Angel.

Tonight is a national wave of candle lighting.  Please join me tonight in honoring Paige and all the other little angels by lighting a candle at 7pm. 

If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time- Beth Mende Conny