Answers we'll never know

There are times I sit here and struggle still with the why us and scream out in despair.  I found this poem that speaks right to my heart and has helped me.

When We Ask Why

God's beautiful plan

Is sometimes concealed,

But someday His purpose

Will be fully revealed.

Someday God's wisdom

Will make very plain

Why problems were permitted

And how He uses pain.

We'll see the Lord's purpose

From Heaven's point of view,

And we will understand

In ways we never knew.

Till we are home with God

Some answers have to wait.

"Lord, we'll trust and obey-

Lord, help us walk by faith."

-Perry Tanksley

I also struggle with jealousy of friends who are expecting babies and everything is "normal".  I am so happy for them, yet sad for us that we will have a new normal.  I hate to think that Paige is something sad in my life.  I know she is not, but I am sad to think of things she will miss out on in life.  I still try to focus on the ability in what may be her disability.  When I pray, I pray for her not for us.  I guess that is a mother's instinct in I want to protect my babies more than worry about myself.